Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
