If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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