I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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