K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
