i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
