anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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