I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
