youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
