This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
