I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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