Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
