A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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