just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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