WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
