Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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