I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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