It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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