I'm going to jail i love you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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