hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize