Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
