well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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