Will you blow on my dice?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
