Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
