Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize