saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
