Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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