Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
