dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
