The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
