dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize