Please, let me fuck your mom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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