Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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