I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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