he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize