as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
