Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
