i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
