if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
