so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
