I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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