Tell her she can't have a vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
