she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The struggles of a small town man whore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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