this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
