She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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