You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
