Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
