So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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