"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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