When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
