if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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