i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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