apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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