so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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