I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
