We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
