I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
