I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
