I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
