just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
