it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
