So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
