OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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