genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
