I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
