ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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