Christians are straight up FREAKS
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
