Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
