Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
