WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
