i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
