woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
