it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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