Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
should my penis look like a turkey
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
