the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
