I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
