i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
