So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
