hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
