I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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