Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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