Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
