I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
