I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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