you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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