Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize