He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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