Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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