FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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