just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
