Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
