ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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