why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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