I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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