he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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