also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
