Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
