OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
