Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
