I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
