I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
