just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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