THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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