That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
try to milk me bitch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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