He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
