i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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