Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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