I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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