i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
