Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize