I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
