I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
