you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
