Where did you get a picture of my penis
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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