she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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