So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
